With Honors

Yep, I graduated college with honors in my major. I had it together. I’ve worked hard since I was 16 years old. Full time jobs, part time jobs while going to school full time, put myself through college (it took longer than most, but I did it!), volunteer work, schedules, deadlines, work out routines, tasks to complete, goals to achieve. For the most part I handled it all well. I thrive under pressure. When I’m too busy for my own good I shine and many times have even surprised myself. For the past 7 years I have worked full time while raising my son and juggling the whole gig; mom, wife, employee. Now, I’m at home, living my dream, took the plunge, quit my 9-5 to work from home and care for my children. And now I’m lost. I can't figure it out. The days seem to fly by before I remember to take a shower, or clean, or squeeze in time to do laundry or dishes, blah blah blah... let alone BLOG!  I've been in a haze, trying to figure it all out, but I’m not sure where to start, what to do, how to get it all done, or have the motivation to do it. That's the part that has me all tripped up. Geeze, Honors! I'm kinda smart, right? ha! I have to tell you I’m really surprised with how well I’m NOT adjusting to this. I've overcome many obstacles and challenges but I never imagined this would be so difficult.  I have a list of things I need to do, projects I want to do  (and Pinterest is not helping with the matter, seriously!), lots of weight that needs to get lost, and on and on and on.  I had this wave of inspiration and gratitude wash over me while driving yesterday… “I have an incredible,  supportive husband; I can move mountains with his love and support. I can do anything!”  And that was that. The motivation and inspiration left as fast as it came * sigh *
Before I quit my full time job, while still working and pregnant I had a vision, a pipe-dream of a clean sparkling home, happy well cared for children whose homework ALWAYS was completed with smiles and giggles all the way through, well prepared homemade meals, and of course greeting my husband from a long day at work wearing cute, outfits with makeup and hair done... yep, not only did I graduate with honors, I dream big too! I know! Well, guess what?  My reality is the furthest thing from that. I’d be lucky to even sneak a shower in and brush my hair before hubby gets home. Forget the whole cooking thing (never my forte anyways). Usually, I am a pretty positive, inspired and enthusiastic person but I’m really struggling now.  Had to find motivation these days. I’ve come to realize this:

My entire role and identity has shifted and I need to create this new identity for myself.
I need to create the life that I had dreamed, the hard work and effort will be worth it.
I have grappled about blogging about my “failing with honors” for a little while now because I didn't really want to talk about my struggles, perpetuating them, but I've decided the time has come to share my challenges, put it out there. And be done. Turn the page of this ambiguous, shapeless chapter in my life, share it with you and move onto the next…
I will put health as a priority in my life and my family’s life.
I will be gentle on myself and celebrate every step towards my goals.
I will create a schedule that includes time for myself, my family and my career.
I will embrace the process of redefining my role as an Entrepreneurial Mom of 2.

Whew, now that’s done, off in cyberspace and ready happen, I wanted to share with you what this post inspired me to create... Yeah, It's happening already!!  I was iNSpiReD!

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