2 months since last post

Whoa how time flies when i'm busy posting on Instagram! Today is the 67th day of the #100daysofhappiness challenge and it's really helped me pull out of the postpartum blues, focus on the positive and appreciate all the happiness around me. Guess what... apparently there is this phenomenon called Law of Attraction and the happiness continues to find me once i found it, and just as powerful is the power of the downward spiral, ha! i was caught in it before i started the challenge and almost tripped myself up a few days ago but i dug deep and got back out. This is what we've been up to:

I've been working hard at getting my new life in order and let me tell you, Baby Love is just as lovely as can be! This past week we worked on Sleep Training and that has been a complete success. We were co-sleeping and that was working fine until it wasn't anymore. She would have a difficult time going to sleep for the night, she would wake up multiple times throughout the night (& i would nurse her back to sleep each time) and really was just not sleeping well. NOW she sleeps through the night 10-12 hrs! It was difficult at first as she yelled at us for 90min the 1st night, she was pissed! But it's gotten easier every night and tonight she only fussed for 4 minutes.

A couple weekends ago, me and Baby Love went on our 1st road trip 5 hrs away along the California Coast and met my best friend for the weekend. We had met the exact place 6yrs ago, i had taken Lil Rev on our 1st road trip & we made his 1st birthday invitation. So to keep traditions alive we met again and assembled her invitations. I haven't mailed them out so i can't post pictures yet but they turned out really cute!

Today i finally was able to put a little photoshoot together for the finishing touches for her invitation. The theme is "Sugar & Spice & Everything Nice" Polka Dot style. It's getting harder and harder to photograph this curious, mobile one!

  

   
                                                   

Day 6

Super organizing  (&purging!) make me super happy! ! These were once filled with "stuff", but stuffed no more! ! I've been going through my house & organizing EVERYTHING & today I'm enjoying the fruits of my labor. #100daysofhappiness #100happydays #happyrevilleville

Easter shopping

Shopping for the kids Easter present is making me happy on day 3

Happiness is...

...appreciating the beauty all around us,

#dutchlove

Today's happiness is brought to you by Dutch Bros! They make me smile every time I go; great energy, fabulous customer service, delicious coffee and MUFFIN TOPS! Well since I want to loose MY muffin top, I skipped on theirs. Thank you Dutch Bros for the smile (&caffeine) today

Baby stepping success

Well after a couple days of some pretty intense criticism and self doubt, Im happy to report i had a great day today, whew!! A friend came over and watched Baby Love so I was able to volunteer in Lil Rev's classroom. I mailed off our taxes to our CPA, I wrapped up some other really important paperwork and EVEN created a Profit & Loss statement for my business, organizing all receipts, expenses and sales order forms. I took Lil Rev to his baseball practice - ON TIME aaaand even dropped off Hubby's clothes at the dry cleaners. I gotta say, today was a good day!

With Honors

Yep, I graduated college with honors in my major. I had it together. I’ve worked hard since I was 16 years old. Full time jobs, part time jobs while going to school full time, put myself through college (it took longer than most, but I did it!), volunteer work, schedules, deadlines, work out routines, tasks to complete, goals to achieve. For the most part I handled it all well. I thrive under pressure. When I’m too busy for my own good I shine and many times have even surprised myself. For the past 7 years I have worked full time while raising my son and juggling the whole gig; mom, wife, employee. Now, I’m at home, living my dream, took the plunge, quit my 9-5 to work from home and care for my children. And now I’m lost. I can't figure it out. The days seem to fly by before I remember to take a shower, or clean, or squeeze in time to do laundry or dishes, blah blah blah... let alone BLOG!  I've been in a haze, trying to figure it all out, but I’m not sure where to start, what to do, how to get it all done, or have the motivation to do it. That's the part that has me all tripped up. Geeze, Honors! I'm kinda smart, right? ha! I have to tell you I’m really surprised with how well I’m NOT adjusting to this. I've overcome many obstacles and challenges but I never imagined this would be so difficult.  I have a list of things I need to do, projects I want to do  (and Pinterest is not helping with the matter, seriously!), lots of weight that needs to get lost, and on and on and on.  I had this wave of inspiration and gratitude wash over me while driving yesterday… “I have an incredible,  supportive husband; I can move mountains with his love and support. I can do anything!”  And that was that. The motivation and inspiration left as fast as it came * sigh *

Before I quit my full time job, while still working and pregnant I had a vision, a pipe-dream of a clean sparkling home, happy well cared for children whose homework ALWAYS was completed with smiles and giggles all the way through, well prepared homemade meals, and of course greeting my husband from a long day at work wearing cute, outfits with makeup and hair done... yep, not only did I graduate with honors, I dream big too! I know! Well, guess what?  My reality is the furthest thing from that. I’d be lucky to even sneak a shower in and brush my hair before hubby gets home. Forget the whole cooking thing (never my forte anyways). Usually, I am a pretty positive, inspired and enthusiastic person but I’m really struggling now.  Had to find motivation these days. I’ve come to realize this:

My entire role and identity has shifted and I need to create this new identity for myself.

I need to create the life that I had dreamed, the hard work and effort will be worth it.

I have grappled about blogging about my “failing with honors” for a little while now because I didn't really want to talk about my struggles, perpetuating them, but I've decided the time has come to share my challenges, put it out there. And be done. Turn the page of this ambiguous, shapeless chapter in my life, share it with you and move onto the next…

I will put health as a priority in my life and my family’s life.

I will be gentle on myself and celebrate every step towards my goals.

I will create a schedule that includes time for myself, my family and my career.

I will embrace the process of redefining my role as an Entrepreneurial Mom of 2.

Whew, now that’s done, off in cyberspace and ready happen, I wanted to share with you what this post inspired me to create... Yeah, It's happening already!!  I was iNSpiReD!

TEETH

Convo with Hubby tonight:

(Lil Rev lost his 1st tooth today!!!)

JR: Do you have any cash?

Me: No i don't think so, do you?

JR: Yeah

Me: How much?

JR: 10 bucks

Me: WHAT!?!?! no way!

JR: it's his 1st tooth! What were you thinking?

Me: a dollar. or 7 quarters.

JR: YOU'RE CHEAP!!

Me: No, i'm self employed!

What i  love about today is that the day our biggest losses his first tooth 

is the same time our littlest grows in her 1st teeth!

13 years & a 1/2 birthday too

13 years ago today, I made the most difficult decision of my life. I placed my beautiful daughter up for open adoption. The day she was born was more emotional than words can describe but what I can say is that the precious baby girl who was born that day was loved immediately by 2 families. My family, friends and Catholic Charities support system were there. Her wonderful adoptive parents and their friends were there too. The love in the room was palpable. It was a surreal experience i feel so fortunate to have as a part of our adoption story; a birth family and adoptive family together for the birth of a very loved baby girl. 13 years later I am so lucky to have a relationship with my daughter, and it continues to evolve. I simply adore her Mother, i think the world of her and continue to learn from her about parenting, love and perseverance. I have been blessed to be a part of their lives and watch my daughter grow into the incredible young lady she is today. I love them both deeply and couldn't be happier about the relationship we have developed and continue to grow. 

Happy birthday sweet baby girl.

 Every moment I get to spend with you is a precious moment that I cherish

This picture reminds me of a poem i found 13 years ago

that helped me when when i needed it most.

Legacy of an Adopted Child

Once there were two women who never knew each other.
One you do not remember, the other you call mother.'
Two different lives, shaped to make your one...
One became your guiding star, the other became your sun.
The first gave you life and the second taught you to live it.
The first gave you a need for love, and the second was there to give it.
One gave you a nationality, the other gave you a name.
One gave you a seed of talent, the other gave you an aim.
One gave you emotions, the other calmed your fears.
One saw your first sweet smile, the other dried your tears.
One gave you up ... that's all she could do.
The other prayed for a child and God led her straight to you.
And now you ask me, through your fears, 
the age old question unanswered throughout the years...
Heredity or environment, which are you the product of?
Neither, my darling … neither.
Just two different kinds of love.

~ Author Unknown ~

And I also celebrate my other daughter's 1/2 birthday today too.

I find it quite ironic that the day my birth daughter turns into an official "teenager" 

is also the day that my youngest turns 6 months old.

With the greatest love for both my daughters, and my son, a Mother's love is never undone.

Candy Tax

While walking home from trick or treating with my family; hunky hubby, lil police man & precious pumpkin, we told Lil Rev that he's going to have to share his candy with us. He protested and whined "NOOOO WAAAAY!"... And the following convo took place:

Me: it's called a Candy Tax
Lil Rev (LR): what's a candy tax?
Me: Daddy, tell him all about taxes
Hunky Hubby (HH): well a tax is when the government takes 1/2 your money.
I jump in: NO, NOT HALF. like 30%
HH: income tax, sales tax, your mama tax
Me: yeah, you're right, OK continue
HH: So the people work and make the money and the government takes the tax.
LR: OK, got it. I'm the government & you're the workers!

Right.
Happy Halloween!

FAILING

I'm a hot mess - and hot as in sweaty hot. Especially when Precious Baby is screaming crying in public. I get hot, I sweat, it's like her screaming activates my sweat glands and milk glands and I start leaking in more places than one. Anyways, I feel like I am failing at all this right now. Baby girl is almost 4 months old, she mostly sleeps through the night. You would think (or at least I hoped) that we would have settled into a nice routine, I would have gotten the hang of this and considering all of the sleep I'm getting I SHOULD be but... whoa I'm losing it, literally! I'm losing my keys. All. The. Time! Lil Rev even said the other day" Mommy, you are always looking for your keys. You should put them in the same place each time" Genius kid. Genius! The best part about all this is that right by our front door we have a coat closet with a convenient key holder thingy mabobber. But NOOOOO, I have to put them down the 1st place I can; in the kitchen, on the dining room table under all those papers, on the counter under those other piles of papers, in the diaper bag, in the bathroom...

I went to lunch with my sister in law the other day and upon grabbing the diaper bag, Precious Baby in her car seat and what I thought were my keys, I locked the door and closed it behind me. I immediately realized that I had grabbed hubby's keys to our Expedition (with NO house key on the key ring, go figure), but my car had the base for the car seat and stroller - all of which hubby's car did not. LUCKILY my car was open so I grabbed the base and stroller and loaded it all up in the Expedition. I then left for my lunch date and had to tell hubby my failings {again} so I could get the house key so I could get back in the house after lunch. He saved me, once again, and had my house key waiting for me when I was ready to go home. Another key fail

I did laundry. I washed it. I forgot to put it in the dryer. Monday morning Hubby got ready and had no underwear. Hubby wore wet chonies to work. Laundry Fail. I'd hate to admit that this has happened more than once. Mess... really!

I lost my ID. I have this little ID holder that holds me my ATM cards and  driver's license. The other week I distinctively remember Lil Rev handing me my ID; I had my hands full, I was busy doing something, and I put it somewhere.... where? I don't know! I've been on the hunt now looking in my pant pockets, in drawers, in crevices around the house, baskets, my car, the diaper bag... twice, seriously it was no where to be found. I dug up my check book to be able to pay for things in the mean time and guess what? most people want to see my ID when I write a check. Luckily, I play the disheveled new Mom look who "forgot her ID in her purse and doesn't have it in the diaper bag but knows her DL#" real real well! So Mother in Law baby sat Precious Baby while I chaperoned Lil Rev on a field trip and I wanted to thank her for just being so wonderful and a great support, I take her to lunch and guess what? the restaurant doesn't accept checks. Hot Mess. She paid. Failing.
* the topper to my ID debacle is that I found it today!! it was in its "designated spot", in my drawer but was all the way in the back and I had not seen it when I rummaged through it on my hunt.

I've concluded that I'm just getting lost in those big beautiful eyes but I have high hopes that my old somewhat forgetful and occasionally ditsy self returns, hopefully sooner than later!

Saturday Night

Here we are, Saturday night in RevilleVille. We always look forward for the weekends to relax, play, work on projects, catch up on housework  & MOVIES. During the school week the t.v. Is (mostly) off while Lil Rev is around & we eat dinner together at the dining table. But weekends are a different story. When Lil Rev wakes up, he watches cartoons and we love watching movies with him from our childhood. Today we took out our Halloween decorations & started decorating, bbq'd chicken, grilled up some veggies from our garden & ate dinner in our living room while watching The Neverending Story. A very happy Saturday in R home

Drunko Bunco

I'm part of a ladies bunco group, I absolutely love our monthly gatherings and am really enjoying getting to know this great group of women. I even learned a new term very relevant to my life right now "Mommy Dating" - another post for another day. Anyways,  i co-hosted the festivities at RevilleVille last night and do you know what that means? I didn't have to drive home, so I could completely indulge, and that I did!!! Hubby took over, bottle fed our Precious Baby, was sequestered to our bedroom all evening and did the whole night time dealo with the kiddos. I got them a pizza & salad for dinner & root beer floats to keep them happy. They watched movies while this mama drank & played & drank & laughed & drank & WON the game!! This was my 1st win and I won $30 in the category of "Most Wins"!!! WINNING, in more ways than 1. Needless to say it was a fabulous Thursday night... Until I woke up, as you can imagine. I had a handful of beers last night and upon waking up at 5:30  this AM I felt horrible.  I stumbled & swayed to the kitchen to try to satiate the extreme dehydration I was experiencing and then made my way back to bed. LUCKILY when Precious Baby woke up an hour later I felt wonderful (I even made Hubby a pot of coffee, which I rarely do - sorry honey, I need to get better at that). I made her a bottle & plan to formula feed all day today just to be sure. About that... every time I feed her a bottle (which has only been a few times) I feel guilty, bad, like I'm cheating on her. She does so well switching between the two but I still feel bad! Anyways the point of this whole post is this picture,  this is what I'm doing all day today!! The house is sparkling, the laundry is done-ish, it's Friday & I'm recovering from Drunko Bunco by cuddling with a sweet baby girl all day, blogging, playing & organizing my tablet, searching & adding fun new apps. Oh and enjoying a root beer float too! CHEERS!

New Mom Syndrome...

... Cry at commercials like this and hear the baby "phantom" crying every time I take a shower, even though she's always sound asleep. Oh, and mostly don't care that I mostly, usually, probably look like shit

No Joke

Packing for 2 kids is no joke!!! Hubby is lucky enough to escape RevilleVille & go hunting for 8 DAYS so i decided to pack up for the week & stay with my wonderful Mother in Law. Ok, follow me here, my Step Grandfather in Law is in ailing health (as in cancer can win any day now) & since our husbands will be gone for the week i wanted to stay with her & help her out. Also would love the company too. So, i rounded up most everything but the kitchen sink, loaded it all in the car & temporarily moved in. Whew.

Sudo Vacay

Ok, i may be the only crazy Mom who thinks like this but i feel like I'm on a mini vacation when...
 

I enjoy a delicious sugary caffeinated beverage while grocery shopping with only 1 kid, and they're sleeping!! Oh & for an extra treat I'll rock out to some music, a little Toxic Britney Spears is my guilty pleasure & goes a long way for this Mama!!

 

I get to clean the house, uninterrupted!! Now THAT is what i call a great time. Once again, plugged in, Blurred Lines blaring in my ears while I dust, do dishes fold and put away laundry, vacuum, mop, all the while not having to stop and do something for someone else. 

 

I receive that beautiful summon for JURY DUTY!! It's like a prestigious invitation to be whisked away to the oh so glorious Nothing Land. I know i know i know, i may be the only one on this one but I LOVE JURY DUTY; a place to go, where i listen to music, bring some magazines, strike up convo with strangers, meet interesting people & it really makes for some great people watching adventures. A place where no one is whining "Mommy"  over & over & over again, or needing their butts wiped, or spit up cleaned, or laundry to be done -oh that laundry monster is my nemesis, or dishes washed, or baby to be nursed, or dog to be fed (or saved from a little boy "innocently" playing chase & chasing dog with his sword), or dinners to be made... You get the point. NOTHING. Just sitting there, waiting and entertaining myself with those tabloid trash magazines i love, serving my civic duty, no responsibility but to pass the time away & answer some questions. I love jury duty. Maybe that's why i hardly ever get called :/ Damn that Murphy!

 

Lastly, the dentist. I guess this is where it gets sadistic BUT once again it is the safe haven from all those things I need to do, or should be doing at home and I just lay there, taking care of myself with nothing else to do but enjoy my music - this I HAVE to have music to drown out the drilling sounds - without the music this little break in my day quickly turns into the nightmare from hell.  

I will continue to enjoy my sudo vacays wrapped as little presents disguised as the mundane tasks in life and maybe someday, hopefully sooner than later, I will get to actually enjoy a real vacation, get rescued from the daily grind and get taken away to Tahoe, or San Francisco, or Napa, or the Coast, or a castle, or Jamaica... am I the only one who feels like this?!? either way, cheers to the little pleasures in life!

WHOA

WOW!!! We had our baby party and look. at. this. It was a great success, our loved ones came by and we had a wonderful time showing off our Precious Baby, passing her around (and Mommy had champagne too, really a selfless act so others could bottle feed the baby, hehe). We were wrapped with love by our family and friends and we feel incredibly blessed to have so many wonderful people in our lives! oh, and the presents just topped it off! No, actually my sister flying in from Los Angles & surprising me at the party was the topper. All of my 3 younger sisters & Mom came from So Cal. It really warms my heart that so many people already love our baby girl. Whoa! So I staged all the adorable pinkness, took the picture and made thank you cards with this image to send to everyone. The cards were well received, just as every single present was.

Not Enough Breastmilk?

Do you know the symbol for adoption? It's a triangle intertwined in a heart. I have this symbol tattooed on my back. My tattoo is filled with symbols, words and pictures close to my heart. The reason I share this is because I had a very big convo with Lil Rev about adoption tonight. I have a daughter. Not my Precious Baby, but a precious 12 year old girl whom I love dearly. I placed her for open adoption at birth and am blessed to have an incredible relationship with her and her Adoptive Mom. Long story short =I was in an abusive relationship and made the hardest, most difficult decision to protect my daughter - at all costs. Even if it cost me my happiness, my sanity (at the time), my esteem... anything for my daughter. I have always had a picture of my beautiful daughter and I in R home and Lil Rev has never really noticed, asked or cared about any of our dozens of pictures displayed, until tonight. He asked me who that girl was, and the convo went like this:
Me: She's a very special girl (hoping he would just leave it at that. The convo has never come up so I've never told him about his 1/2 sister)
Lil Rev (LR): why is she special?
Me: (ok, we're going there...heart starts pounding) Because she is my daughter, she's your sister.  I had her before you were born and before I met Daddy.
LR: Why doesn't she live with us? Is she {Precious Baby's} sister too?
Me: Yes, she is your 1/2 sister, because you have the same Mom, Me. She doesn't live with us because she lives with another family. Do you know what adoption is?
LR: No, what does that mean?
Me: Well adoption is when a Mom has someone else take care of her child forever. The child then has a new Mom and family. When I had the baby, I couldn't take care of her at that time. So I placed her for adoption.
LR: Why, because you didn't have enough breast milk? (my favorite part of the convo!)
Me: No, it's difficult to explain but her Dad was very mean to me and I wanted to protect her from him.
LR: Oh, were you married to him?
Me: (GULP - totally against what I've been trying to brainwash him with) No.
LR: Why was he mean, did he say mean things to you?
Me: well, yes and other stuff too that I can tell you more about when you get older. But I made a very hard decision for her to live with another Mom so I could protect her. She is safe and happy with her Mom and family.
Lil Rev: Oh, did her Mom have breast milk?
Me: Well, actually a woman's body only makes breast milk if she grows a baby in her tummy. Since her Mom did not grow your sister in her tummy, her body did not make breast milk. She had formula as a baby.
Lil Rev: oh. ok.
... and off to save the world with his sword, machete and superhero costume.

Sleeping Beauty

Our baby girl slept 22 HOURS TODAY!!!!
She barely woke up, fussing to be fed.
She woke up in the afternoon and played for a few minutes and then slept through the night.
I'm afraid she's going through a growth spurt and we're going to wake up to a toddler.

Stinky

 

 

Lesson Learned: don't go for walks on trash day, it really makes for a stinky walk to school.