With Honors

Yep, I graduated college with honors in my major. I had it together. I’ve worked hard since I was 16 years old. Full time jobs, part time jobs while going to school full time, put myself through college (it took longer than most, but I did it!), volunteer work, schedules, deadlines, work out routines, tasks to complete, goals to achieve. For the most part I handled it all well. I thrive under pressure. When I’m too busy for my own good I shine and many times have even surprised myself. For the past 7 years I have worked full time while raising my son and juggling the whole gig; mom, wife, employee. Now, I’m at home, living my dream, took the plunge, quit my 9-5 to work from home and care for my children. And now I’m lost. I can't figure it out. The days seem to fly by before I remember to take a shower, or clean, or squeeze in time to do laundry or dishes, blah blah blah... let alone BLOG!  I've been in a haze, trying to figure it all out, but I’m not sure where to start, what to do, how to get it all done, or have the motivation to do it. That's the part that has me all tripped up. Geeze, Honors! I'm kinda smart, right? ha! I have to tell you I’m really surprised with how well I’m NOT adjusting to this. I've overcome many obstacles and challenges but I never imagined this would be so difficult.  I have a list of things I need to do, projects I want to do  (and Pinterest is not helping with the matter, seriously!), lots of weight that needs to get lost, and on and on and on.  I had this wave of inspiration and gratitude wash over me while driving yesterday… “I have an incredible,  supportive husband; I can move mountains with his love and support. I can do anything!”  And that was that. The motivation and inspiration left as fast as it came * sigh *

Before I quit my full time job, while still working and pregnant I had a vision, a pipe-dream of a clean sparkling home, happy well cared for children whose homework ALWAYS was completed with smiles and giggles all the way through, well prepared homemade meals, and of course greeting my husband from a long day at work wearing cute, outfits with makeup and hair done... yep, not only did I graduate with honors, I dream big too! I know! Well, guess what?  My reality is the furthest thing from that. I’d be lucky to even sneak a shower in and brush my hair before hubby gets home. Forget the whole cooking thing (never my forte anyways). Usually, I am a pretty positive, inspired and enthusiastic person but I’m really struggling now.  Had to find motivation these days. I’ve come to realize this:

My entire role and identity has shifted and I need to create this new identity for myself.

I need to create the life that I had dreamed, the hard work and effort will be worth it.

I have grappled about blogging about my “failing with honors” for a little while now because I didn't really want to talk about my struggles, perpetuating them, but I've decided the time has come to share my challenges, put it out there. And be done. Turn the page of this ambiguous, shapeless chapter in my life, share it with you and move onto the next…

I will put health as a priority in my life and my family’s life.

I will be gentle on myself and celebrate every step towards my goals.

I will create a schedule that includes time for myself, my family and my career.

I will embrace the process of redefining my role as an Entrepreneurial Mom of 2.

Whew, now that’s done, off in cyberspace and ready happen, I wanted to share with you what this post inspired me to create... Yeah, It's happening already!!  I was iNSpiReD!

Sudo Vacay

Ok, i may be the only crazy Mom who thinks like this but i feel like I'm on a mini vacation when...
 

I enjoy a delicious sugary caffeinated beverage while grocery shopping with only 1 kid, and they're sleeping!! Oh & for an extra treat I'll rock out to some music, a little Toxic Britney Spears is my guilty pleasure & goes a long way for this Mama!!

 

I get to clean the house, uninterrupted!! Now THAT is what i call a great time. Once again, plugged in, Blurred Lines blaring in my ears while I dust, do dishes fold and put away laundry, vacuum, mop, all the while not having to stop and do something for someone else. 

 

I receive that beautiful summon for JURY DUTY!! It's like a prestigious invitation to be whisked away to the oh so glorious Nothing Land. I know i know i know, i may be the only one on this one but I LOVE JURY DUTY; a place to go, where i listen to music, bring some magazines, strike up convo with strangers, meet interesting people & it really makes for some great people watching adventures. A place where no one is whining "Mommy"  over & over & over again, or needing their butts wiped, or spit up cleaned, or laundry to be done -oh that laundry monster is my nemesis, or dishes washed, or baby to be nursed, or dog to be fed (or saved from a little boy "innocently" playing chase & chasing dog with his sword), or dinners to be made... You get the point. NOTHING. Just sitting there, waiting and entertaining myself with those tabloid trash magazines i love, serving my civic duty, no responsibility but to pass the time away & answer some questions. I love jury duty. Maybe that's why i hardly ever get called :/ Damn that Murphy!

 

Lastly, the dentist. I guess this is where it gets sadistic BUT once again it is the safe haven from all those things I need to do, or should be doing at home and I just lay there, taking care of myself with nothing else to do but enjoy my music - this I HAVE to have music to drown out the drilling sounds - without the music this little break in my day quickly turns into the nightmare from hell.  

I will continue to enjoy my sudo vacays wrapped as little presents disguised as the mundane tasks in life and maybe someday, hopefully sooner than later, I will get to actually enjoy a real vacation, get rescued from the daily grind and get taken away to Tahoe, or San Francisco, or Napa, or the Coast, or a castle, or Jamaica... am I the only one who feels like this?!? either way, cheers to the little pleasures in life!

Weight...What?

At my 36 week prenatal check up I was seen by a Nurse Practitioner, who I had seen once in the very beginning of my pregnancy. She took my blood pressure, weight and urine sample and then we had the following convo:
NP: Well you have gained 6# since your last appointment, 2 weeks ago.
Me: oh, ok
NP: Your total weight gain has been 37#. The average weight gain for a pregnancy is 25 - 35#.
80% of your diet should be fruits and vegetables.
Me: Oh... so I SHOULDN'T have milkshakes for breakfast and nachos for dinner? Um... i'm 9 months pregnant, the deed is done.

What I took from that interaction is that I feel AMAZING and beautiful - no matter what a professional says, or co-workers, or neighbors, or family,. I gained weight, YES. Probably too much, YES. Might I regret it in a couple months feeling like a fat cow, maybe. But i'm happy now and have thoroughly enjoy this journey (including my breakfast and dinners of choice).

My Father in Law (retired firefighter) told me over the weekend "I've delivered babies and seen lots of pregnant women but never with bellies as big as yours" followed by "YOU'RE AS BIG AS A HOUSE!" This has been a great test of confidence and self security and i'm happy to report - I got lots of it and pregnancy has really enhanced my esteem despite all the "twin/house/ginormous" comments. I feel privileged to have conceived, nurture, carry and grow our precious baby in my body and i'll celebrate that with chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream + vanilla almond milk shakes for breakfast!

When you look in the mirror, see the beautiful woman you are,  

 focus only on the positive in your life and

 love yourself, because you are YOU

Blue Moon

 

 

I'm the first to find reasons to celebrate random occasions in our lives... and today seemed PERFECT! It's the 2nd full moon in 1 month, which is refereed to as "Blue Moon". Couldn't think of a better way to celebrate a PAYday, FRIday before a THREE day weekend, which happens to be a BLUE MOON!

Cheers, i'll drink to that!